he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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