My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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