Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
