he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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