I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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