Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
