you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
