If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize