she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
