Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
