I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
