i dont even know how to be here
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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