Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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