she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
