Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
