She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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