So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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