I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
