Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found your dick twin last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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