remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
