I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
