Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
