We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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