i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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