reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
