Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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