i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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