i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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