What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
