we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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