Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
