There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
