You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
