WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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