We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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