The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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