So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
