Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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