How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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