I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
