No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
