I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
