So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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