ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
