i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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