It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We smell like vodka and hangover
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
