We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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