Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
