:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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