I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
