I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
