google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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