3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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