hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
