Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
