Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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