i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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