In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
