Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
