found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
