I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
