My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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