We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do herpes really smell.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
