im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
