I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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