I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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