wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
