oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Houston, we have a blender
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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